The episode quantum leaps between Brody's Vegas birthday festivities (which occurred BEFORE Jason's "engagement" party that aired last week) and the Spencer/Heidi storyline involving Heidi covering the Emmys which were in mid-September. WTF, MTV? I realize with a "reality" show, you may need to switch things around once in awhile to create a more cohesive narrative thread, but this was just ridiculous. Don't the producers know the shameless souls who tune into programs like The Hills are just as addicted to Us Weekly and the like and the kids from the show are MAJOR tabloid fodder? You know what you did, MTV! So quit trying to fool us and leave the space-time continuum bending to the REAL shows (like Heroes). Rant concluded. Now back to your regularly scheduled recap already in progress.
The episode begins with Audrina and Lauren talking about flying out to Vegas to celebrate the birth of Mr. Brody Jenner. Audrina goes all Emily Post and wonders if they need to bring gifts. Lauren says their presence is the present. As they finalize their travel plans, Audrina tells Lauren that Justin Bobby will meet them at the airport. Lauren asks if JB will feel weird being the only guy. I ask if he will feel weird being the only one who hasn't showered in the last 48 to 72 hours. Audrina shrugs her shoulders sort of uncomfortably. Justin Bobby is totally one of those boyfriends that you just can't bring around the girls.
Meanwhile, the MOST REVOLTING/ANNOYING COUPLE EVER (aka Heidi and Spencer) make plans for their big one-year anniversary. You know they are totally once of those couples who celebrates their anniversary on a monthly basis which, if you've already graduated high school…ew. Spencer, like a cheesy game show host announcing prizes, tells Heidi they are going to go to Burke Williams Spa for massages and facials and then to dinner at their "anniversary spot". I missed the rest of the scene because I had to run to the toilet and vomit. My sources inform me that Heidi needles Spencer about whether he has dropped the wedding bomb on los padres yet. Spencer suggests telling them about the engagement after the wedding, which makes no sense. Heidi vetoes this plan. Spencer changes the subject by toasting "the best year of [his] life", which I suspect has much more to do with his famewhoring ways finally "paying off" than his relationship with Heidi.
Panoramic shot of LAX (the airport, not the club and on a show like this you have to make the distinction). Justin Bobby, looking like an extra from the set of Cavemen, waits for Audrina and company at the arrivals gate with his guitar, which for reasons unknown he feels compelled to take to Vegas. Whatevs. Audrina, Lauren, Lo, and a heretofore unidentified friend pull up in a huge Escalade limo. Audrina greets her unenthused man with a hug while he looks bored and completely ignores her friends. One of the girls suggests doing curb-side luggage check because it's easier, but Justin Bobby refuses because he has to carry-on his precious guitar. In fact, I think he may have even purchased it its own seat. Someone makes a friendly joke about whether Justin Bobby will serenade the girls, but in true asshole fashion, JB continues to pretend Audrina's friends do not exist. AWKWARD! Lucky for them, the flight to Vegas is only like 45 minutes.
Viva Las Vegas! The Hills crew checks in at the Palms where Brody is chilling in his room with Frankie and another friend. If my The Girls Next Door watching memory serves correctly, it looks like they're staying in the Hugh Heffner suite, which Brody can totally afford because he's a true playa for real! (Though I wouldn't be surprised to discover MTV picked up the tab or George Maloof comped it for the publicity). Anywho, Brody is wearing some sort of wrist gear that appears to be either a tragically misguided shout-out to Gwen Stefani's harajuku style or a residual cast/brace from the finger injury he sustained after being tackled by Lauren at his Fourth of July BBQ. Let's hope it's the latter. Brody and his bros are shooting the shit when they hear a knock on the door. The Brodster gets up to answer and is greeted with a chorus of "Surprise!"s from Lauren and the crew. Lauren jumps up to give Brody a hug, practically knocking him down in the process. Careful Lauren, Brody is frag-ile, you don't want to break any more of his bones. They bust out the booze for a toast, and JB guzzles his glass down before Brody can even get out a full syllable. Nice. Way to make an impression, J. Bob.
Back in LA, the Bolthouse office has started another busy day-sans Heidi. Elodie gossips with Michelle, an executive assistant about how fucked it is that Heidi has her own office. Michelle is like "Word!" but then sort of indirectly gives Heidi props for having the self-serving, backstabbing disposition that is evidently required to get ahead in the PR industry. Elodie basically says the Heidi promotion put her over the edge so she gave her notice and today is her last day at Bolthouse. Michelle looks surprised and asks Elodie if she is sure she wants to give up the opportunities working at Bolthouse can provide. Elodie is over it and ready to move onward and upward. The clicking of heels alerts Elodie to Heidi's arrival and she wraps up the conversation and returns to her own desk. Brent pops his freaky giant head in Heidi's office and asks if everything is all set for the next night's Emmy event. Am I the only one who is having difficulty believing Brent would actually entrust such a HUGE responsibility to a dumbshit like Heidi? As if to prove my point, Heidi ridiculously explains that the next night is her anniversary and asks if it's OK if she doesn't go as long as she gets everything covered. Even more ridiculously, Brent agrees to this. We see a shot of Elodie mirroring the general consensus of the viewers as she shakes her head in amused disgust.
Heidi sashays over to Elodie's desk and asks her how everything's going. Heidi then inquires as to whether Elodie is working the Emmy event, and goes into her sob story about her anniversary is tomorrow night and she can't possibly be expected to work on her anniversary. Guess what Heidi? Nobody fucking cares! Elodie asks if Heidi wants her to cover for her. Heidi says that would be great and Elodie agrees, saying "anything for you" with greatly exaggerated sweetness. Actually Elodie almost sounds like Spencer, which would explain how Heidi completely failed to pick up on the sarcastic undertones. That and the fact that Heidi is, you know, a dumbshit. Heidi once again reiterates that everything with the promotion was "just business, nothing personal". Elodie says she understands and smiles an evil smile that says I'll show you personal. Karma's a bitch, bitch!
Back in Vegas, Lauren, Lo, and the previously unidentified friend who is now tagged as "Jill" are in their room getting ready. Lo laments that Justin Bobby hasn't spoken a single word to her since they've been there. Lauren, in a very adult move, gets his back, saying they weren't very nice to him initially, so she can understand why he'd be pissed. Lo seems to accept this and declares the first bet of the weekend is to see who can make Justin Bobby smile. Think the house might take that one, just a hunch.
Everybody converges for dinner. Lauren sits next to Brody who still seems to be nursing the wounds of his "break-up" with Spencer. He says he will always consider Spencer family, but doesn't need to be around people that thrive on drama. Lauren drinks to that and makes the eyes at Brody. Audrina and Justin Bobby show-up and OMG. I thought J. Bob's "Will Work for Food" fashion sense was appalling, but he's really taken it to a whole new level here. His outfit screams "heshmonkey circa 1994" and involves a SLEVELESS! FLANNEL! shirt. Justin Bobby is SUCH a poser and I just figured out who he's trying to be…Jordan Catalano from My So-Called Life! Jill extends the olive branch, telling JB they bought him a shot, but he completely ignores her. What is his problem, anyway? Maybe Justin Bobby was a feral child. That would explain A LOT about him.
After dinner, everybody moves on to da' club. Frankie takes the opportunity to promote his "Date Brody 2007" platform, but Lauren insists the two are better off as friends. She points out that when she did date Brody they were arguing constantly. Frankie counters that they argued about Heidi and Spencer who are now out of the picture. Lauren gets a contemplative expression. Lo, looking gorgeous in a very short gold dress must be flashing her vajayjay all over because Lauren tells Frankie she just saw Lo's "Britney". I love Lo, but...kind of unsanitary. I do not even want to know what kind of cultures could be swabbed off the couches of Vegas clubs.
The next morning, an impressively non-hung over Brody hangs out at the suite with his buds. Frankie makes his "hook up with Lauren" pitch because nothing would make his life more awesome than if his two best friends were dating. Except maybe making out with Lo, which Frankie does later that night. The girls, minus Audrina, are chilling by the pool. Lo comments that she hasn't seen Audrina all day and marvels over the fact that even after the peace offering shot Justin-Bobby still won't speak to them. What an asshole. Talk about making it uncomfortable for everybody involved. Lauren inexplicably defends him, which I think is just a reaction to what Lauren calling Spencer out did to her and Heidi's friendship. She HAS to know JB is the biggest name in douches since Massengill. It seems like Lauren is just trying to keep the peace instead of inciting drama. Lo jumps on the Lauren-Brody bandwagon and says Lauren should go for Brody. I tend to agree. I don't think Lauren should put Brody on a Prince Charming pedestal,or anything, but he might just be the perfect fuck buddy. Good-looking, charming, and stupid? Come on now, that's a winning combination.
That night Brody's ongoing party takes it to Pure nightclub where viewers are assaulted by the sounds of The Disaster Formerly Known As Britney Spears' new single "Gimme More". Frankie and Lo get their mack on and Brody asks Lauren for a birthday kiss. Lauren bats her eyelashes and coyly asks if he wants a birthday kiss. She complies with Brody's birthday request and for all the chemistry these two have, the kiss seems a little short on passion.
Back in Los Angeles, Heidi and Spencer don matching sweat suits and Nikes while eating Phenobarbital-laced pudding and listening to "Tonight, I Celebrate My Love" in a dual suicide ritual…not really, but a girl can dream. In reality, they head to the tres classy Don Antonio's where "their" table looks like it was decorated by a bunch of fourth graders for Valentine's Day. Heidi says she is so happy to be there and not work. Spencer asks if Bolthouse was OK with her having the night off. Heidi tells him Elodie has it covered and Brent is cool with it.
In Vegas, everyone (except JB, who is an anti-social beyotch) hangs out at Brody's suite. A clearly intoxicated Lo tells Audrina that Justin Bobby hates them even after they tried to make amends. Audrina rather bitchily says that all that matters is how Justin treats her, which as we've witnessed earlier this season is GREAT! Actually, if I were Audrina, I'd be a little worried about JB's whereabouts if he wasn't in line of sight. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time he's left her in Vegas. Lo says they don't all have to be best friends but Justin Bobby could at least have the common decency to say hello (or acknowledge Audrina's friends' existence in some form). Audrina passive-aggressively moans that she will just stop talking to Justin Bobby to make her friends happy. Lauren can't deal and leaves the pity party. Audrina bitches that now Lauren is mad at her. Whatever. Quit being a martyr! Your boyfriend is an ASSHOLE. If he doesn't respect you enough to be at least perfunctorily polite to your friends, keep him in check or keep him away. Lauren sits out by the pool and Audrina goes back to her room (praying Justin Bobby is still there).
Heidi and Spencer are enjoying the ambiance and atmosphere of Don Antonio's and each other when Heidi's phone rings. Spencer gripes that it is rude to answer one's cell phone when at an anniversary dinner. You know what else is rude Spencer? Expecting people at the restaurant to be able to eat in the presence of that pubes-y beard of yours. Heidi ignores his whining and takes the call. It's a frantic Michelle wondering WTF is going on why nobody is covering the Emmy event. Heidi asks where Elodie is. Michelle tells her that Elodie quit and yesterday was her last day. Heidi sighs and says she will be there ASAP. Instead of sympathizing with his girlfriend's situation, Spencer immediately starts pouting. Heidi retorts that Spencer was the one who encouraged her to get this promotion so he shouldn't be bitching about it now. She tells Spencer she loves him and he says "No you don't" like the self-centered three-year-old that he is.
In Vegas, Brody joins Lauren on the balcony and she vents about the Audrina-Lo-Justin Bobby situation. Lauren finally gets Lo's back pointing out the fact that they teased JB about his name should not warrant such severe and ongoing disdain. Brody helpfully (not) says that Justin has an issue with Lo but it's not Lauren's problem. Lauren looks sad and says she and Brody always argue about other people's arguments. Brody diffuses things by telling Lauren to cuddle with him and suggests they take a "nap". They kiss, and even though it's on the lips, there's a definite "just friends" vibe to it. The episode ends with an excruciatingly and unnecessarily long pan-out shot of the Vegas strip.
(The rest of) this season on The Hills: Heidi gets busted at work, Spencer and Heidi fight, Jen Bunney and Lauren reconcile, Heidi continues to blame Brody for the sex-tape rumors, Lauren and Whitney go to NY, and Lauren and Heidi have a Les Deux, Part Deux showdown.